This is a loaded question, if ever there was one. Below are the two main reasons we want to adopt:
The first reason I want to adopt, internationally specifically, is because of the desire Adam and I have to fill our lives and our home with children and culture. One of the things we treasure most about one another is the way in which each of us sees the world, the life experiences we each have had while abroad. We discussed adoption extensively before marriage, before it being a necessary means to grow our family,¯ and we both had a desire to do so. We each have significant ties to the international community, both in Asia and in
The second reason I want to adopt, is because it feels right. Although adoption was on the table from the beginning of our marriage, we thought it would be in addition to, not instead of, having biological children. I have been utterly unsuccessful at carrying a fetus past eight weeks, and I have had many miscarriages the past few years. I started to feel as though my entire life was wrapped up in fertility treatments, doctor’s visits, and all the emotions that go with the experience. In January 2006 it was decision time for us; I couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore. We saw our options as these:
- Keep on the “fertility train,” being poked, prodded, and paraded.
- Remain childless and revel in the brilliance of being Aunt Rach and Uncle Adam.
- Go for adoption.
At that point, one fantastic thought came clearly into view, I want to be a parent more than I want to give birth. It’s taken me three years to come to that conclusion, and this past year, I have felt the idea firmly take root in my heart and in my mind. I just want to be a mom. I am not above IVF or Clomid or just being an aunt, but would rather have the blissful chaos that being an instant mom of four will bring. The challenges of parenting will be just as trying as the heartache and heartbreak of failed pregnancies and failed attempts at becoming so, but the difference is that I will be a parent. That’s all I want.
For us infertility has not been “a stealer of dreams,” but an opportunity to look beyond ourselves and find something beautiful and real: ¯our new family!!!