This checkmark didn’t come without difficulty though! The USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services) is not the easiest office to do business with!

Due to some changes with international adoption that will be implemented on April 1st, 2008, we really wanted to get the paperwork turned in. Our completed homestudy, that we needed to file the immigration paperwork, came in the mail on Tuesday. I had some questions, but of course, the office has no direct number (at least not one available to us peons of the proletariat). I planned a trip Wednesday to the office (in Salt Lake) to file our paperwork. Wednesday morning, I was busily gathering all of the passports, birth certificates, and other paperwork that we needed. An hour and a half later, I found the USCIS office in Salt Lake. What is that I see — CLOSED?!?!? Open 7AM - 3:30PM on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wait, it’s Wednesday — the office closes at noon on Wednesday?? Of course, this information isn’t available on the website, and there is no phone number. Who wouldn’t think that they could go to a US Government office at 1:30 in the afternoon? Oh well, looks like our paperwork isn’t getting filed today.

I was planning on heading to Yakima, WA on Thursday to help with some of the renovation at the Penning home. Oh, and I had a test in my Business Research class at 7:30AM. So, I took the test and headed straight to Salt Lake. Luckily, I saw the “OPEN” sign in the window. Once I got in, the process was somewhat efficient. I got to the counter within 10 minutes, but because the “local policy” differed from the instructions printed on the forms, I had to go to the bank for a money order (rather than paying with a personal check). Off to the bank I go (thank you Google Maps on my phone!). Money order in hand, I return to the immigration office.

The person behind the glass saw me come back in and I was able to get right back up to the counter. A few minutes, papers, and dollars later, and it was done! We now have our paperwork filed with the USCIS. Now we have to wait for them to send us some paperwork in order to get another set of fingerprints taken, which will then get us the all-important I-171 form that says we can bring the kids into the country! One more step closer!

(Then a 9 hour drive to Yakima. For joy.)

We went to Target to register for some items for our shower. So….I’ve never shopped for “kid stuff” — toys for Christmas and birthday presents, but never the real life stuff. It’s expensive!! Welcome to the real world, Adam. We registered for towels, bedroom stuff, assorted bathroom stuff, etc. I can’t wait to graduate so that I can get paychecks to cover this stuff! It’s a good problem to have - one that we’re excited is getting closer. Here are a few more pictures from our registration date night.

A guy can dream, right?

I hate it. It is not fair. It is not okay.

I do not think any miscarriage or baby loss is more emotionally painful than another. I do think, however, that miscarriage is especially painful for those who do not have any children. This is not because the loss of a child is buffered by the existing children. It is because the childless woman grieves not only for the actual physical loss, but also for the plan of being a mom soon. The emptiness of the home is exacerbated by this loss, making it all the more real and painful. This is especially true for those of us who have had multiple losses. It seems endless and it seems hopeless.

The suckiest part of baby loss isn’t the grieving. The introspection catapulted by loss can be quite therapuetic. The suckiest part is the ‘What Nows’. After miscarriage one no longer has an end-date for work, a reason to start on the nursery, the desire to thrust themself into the world of child speak with other mothers in their social circle.

Unfortunately, I still have no “I’m so grateful for this experience because” advice. I’ve tried to come up with some over the past few months as my latest miscarriage has seemed endless and pointless. I’m always thinking if I can find some good in an experience then maybe I can help someone else in the future. I’m always thinking that way, but this time nothing has come. I suppose the empathy from having gone through it is enough. But I want something brilliant, something deep. I suppose my understanding will have to do.

I am at peace with my latest experience. My hcg levels finally tested below 2 this past week and I’ve finally stopped spotting. Phew!!! It’s been over 12 weeks so I was getting a little worried. Looking back, I might have done a d&c, but then again maybe not. For me, there was fullfillment is completing this naturally. I think if I had seen a heartbeat and baby outline I might have felt differently. I am just glad it’s over!

So, I guess to sum it up, the most brilliant thing I can come up with is that miscarriage sucks!!!

I did post an entry last week–a shower of celebration–but it seems to be lost in all of our blogging updates. Anyhow, I was thinking I’ve been kind of lame in my adoption posting lately. The problem is there is not much to report. We’re still hopeful for a travel date of early June. Assuming we clear INS by the end of April that is where we’re headed.

Adam did talk to our caseworker, Raul, yesterday who just got back from an extended trip to Colombia. Raul indicated that he spoke personally to the workers who clear families for adoption and they said they are still anxiously awaiting our paperwork.

We’re off to Washington for Easter. I plan to stay there for a week, which will help the waiting. To be honest though, I’m not as freaked out as I was a few weeks ago when we received word of our case being expedited. I don’t think about it too much. Perhaps that’s because I have a neice and nephew at my disposal to play with. Or maybe it’s just because I’m being blessed with patience right now. A few months ago it seemed unbearably long. Now, however, it seems like it’s just around the corner, and I’m nowhere near ready.

I’ve been filling my time with work, exercise, travel, and homeschool research. I’m at the point now that I really need to start the kiddos’ photo albums so they are ready to go in May. I’ll do that when I return from Washington. Online grading has picked up, and I am scheduled to work everyday through the first of May. That’s some extra adoption money we weren’t planning on. We continue to be blessed.

I still get chills when listening to the support of our family and friends. It makes this adoption process all the more joyful! We are so comepletely grateful for the assurance that our children will be loved by those in our social and family circles. You all know how we feel about your children!!!