dear daniel,

Papi and I just got off the phone with Senor Raul. He is one of the people at Commonwealth Adoptions that is helping us bring you home. Raul says that you and your siblings are very excited to be adopted. He also says that you, in particular, are very anxious and nervous about all the unknowns, especially about traveling so far away from everything familiar. I hear that you have taken on the role of protector, which is to be expected. What a valiant and brave little boy you are.

Life sure isn’t fair, is it? It’s not fair that your birth-parents made poor choices that affected you. It’s not fair that you have been charged with caring for and parenting Esmeralda, Daniela, and Juan Pablo. It’s not fair that you, at seven years old, feel the weight of the world upon your little shoulders. For these reasons I think you are extra special. When I look at your picture I see goodness and warmth in your eyes. I see hope and kindness. You are the very best big brother. I can’t wait to meet you.

As I sit in sadness thinking about the rough start you’ve had, I also sit in hope. My hope for you is that ONE short month from now you can start on the road back to boyhood. I can’t wait for you to care about soccer balls, dirt, and pizza–and nothing else! I know we’ll encounter meltdowns along the way. I can’t wait to love you through them as you slowly relinquish your role of parent and return back to that of big brother. I especially can’t wait for you to meet Papi. He is so cool. He is itching to get on the plane so he can play, play, and play some more. You are so lucky that he will soon enter your life.

And, by the way, I can’t wait to be a soccer mom. I never thought I would hear myself say such a thing, but your smile makes me ready. Of course, you might have to remind me one day that I said that. :) I want you to be my son, Daniel. I have no doubt that I was led to you. I sure wish that your life was perfect from birth, even if that meant that I didn’t get to be your mother because your overall health and happiness is paramount to me. Unfortunately, that is not what occurred. Poor choices were made and sadness happened. Luckily, we will both eventually benefit from it.

Anyway we square it, life isn’t fair! And on a day like today, I am grateful!

Love,

Mami

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5 Responses to dear daniel,

  1. You are not suppose to make me cry so early in the morning. I can’t wait until Daniel can REALLY understand what being a boy is like.

  2. rachel says:

    Yeah. Adam started crying when I was reading it. That made me start to cry. At least we’re not alone in our tears. My next post will be happy, I promise.

  3. Valerie says:

    Tears are ok! Mine are tears of joy for these special little children! I can’t imagine feeling such responibility at the tender age of 7. They are so lucky, even if the had a really rough start.

  4. jaimeemarie says:

    Wow, Rach your going to be such a terrific mom that’s all I can say! It’s amazing how much love I can feel for these kids and not even know them yet! I can’t imagine the love you and Adam are feeling for them! What an amazing time in your lives and I’m so happy to of been around for it too!

  5. jimcat says:

    You’re right Mami, life isn’t always fair. Our Father in Heaven said, it wouldn’t be easy but it will be worth it. I fall back on those words when trials come upon me and my family. One day Daniel will be able to look back and maybe understand what hand he and his brother and sisters have been dealt. Why things happen only our Father in Heaven knows. I’m sure he isn’t happy when we make mistakes on this earth. As a mom I know he isn’t happy. But, as mortals we make mistakes and then we have to pay the consequences of our mistakes. Daniels mom and dad are paying the ultimate price, the loss of their little ones. I can’t imagine what that is like. I only know through their mistakes you my daughter have been blessed. You know in your heart now you don’t have to give birth to a child to be their mother. Your children will soon understand your selfless heart and your desire to be their mom. Your heart is full and soon you will be able to mend their broken hearts and give them their life back. I can hardly wait to see you with these 4 amazing spirits along with your sweetheart kneeling across the alter and becoming an eternal family. My heart runneth over with joy and gladness……I can hardly wait to see you Rachel running your children to scouts, soccer games, and hopefully music lessons!

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