I am so excited about this adoption. I am so grateful that we followed our hearts and went forward with faith last October.
It was one year ago that I had “the break-down.” Thanks to some serious soul-searching, prodding by family members, and some lucky (blessed) breaks…we putÃ‚Â the first of ourÃ‚Â money down and officially started the process that we had been preparing ourselves for! Within a month of filling out the application, we had a pre-referral for the four sunshines that now brighten andÃ‚Â warm our home. Their picture stared usÃ‚Â in the face every night as we went to bed for eight months. Now that they are officiallyÃ‚Â ours (it’s already been 10 weeks–can you believe that!), our home is full of life and energy.
I have been asked the question, “do you really truly love them?” a few times by genuinely curious and well-meaning friends and family.Ã‚Â My answer isÃ‚Â an honest and resounding “YES.” Our love grows for each other every day. Sometimes, I catch myself feeling it grow. I will look at one of the children after they have done something super cute or super naughty, and I am stopped in my tracks because I realize that I love them more than the day or week before. The children’s love for each other is also growing. The other night I was laying in bed with the girls talking and bonding. They were each sitting on a side of meÃ‚Â chattering on about school and such. After awhile they snuggled in under my arms. Daniela reached her hand across me, touched Ezzy’s arm andÃ‚Â said a heart-felt, “I love you, Ezzy.” Ezzy reciprocated and then they both fell asleep.
For those who were in Bogota with us, you know what a break-through this is. They both truly meant it. They have started to view each other as sisters instead of just housemates. In fact, right now Daniela is dragging Ezzy around with her because she wants her company. Last night, at the Brummett’s pool party,Ã‚Â Danny was giving rides to Juan Pablo on his back. He has stopped the constant pestering of his brother this past week or so, andÃ‚Â started to be kinder to him. Great strides are being made in this house.Ã‚Â
Although we have loved our children fromÃ‚Â the beginning, weÃ‚Â have startedÃ‚Â to see the fruits of our parenting labors, and it is an amazing feeling. My love for my husband has grown as I watch him “handle” our kids with a joyful smile and the patience of Job. It is difficult to explain in words how we love these little people that were inserted into our lives. We just do! It isn’t exactly apples to apples, but I think of it in terms of my relationship with Adam. I didn’t just randomly love him at first. But now, my whole world revolves around our love for and commitment to each other. I love him more than anybody else. In that light, it is not hard to see how I continue to grow in love and tenderness for each of our children.
In the spirit of loving honesty, our love was not deep and abiding for our sunshines in the beginning. But the hope of something wonderful allowed us to make the commitment–just like our marriage to each other. And now–10 weeks later–Ã‚Â I feel like their mother. I am their mother! As I have continued to love and nurture, the role of care-taker has seamlessly slipped into that of mother–in my eyes and the children’s.Ã‚Â
Every month I HOPE and FEAR that I am pregnant. But that has nothing to do with the sunshines that wake up every morning and greet me with a “buenos dias” or more recently “good morning.” They make me so happy. Adam hates to be away from them. And I find myself wanting them home when they are at school.Ã‚Â Our adoptionÃ‚Â hasn’t been able to heal theÃ‚Â grief of our miscarriages, but that was never our intention in adopting. Of course, we hoped it would help a little as a side-effect, but that is just rehashing a previous topic. What is more important is thatÃ‚Â our adoptionÃ‚Â has brought complete joy and love into our lives and the lives of our friends and family. It is almost indescribable, seriously. You have to see these four kids in action to truly grasp the magnitude of their joyful spirits. They are grateful, they are humble, they are happy!!!
I am so blessed to be their mother. I can’t wait for the rest of you to meet them. :)