I know you would rather look than listen so here you go:

Before the meltdown….ice cream cones at Unicentro Mall

After, or should I say during, the meltdown…

The 30 second version: Juan P. decided to have one of his epic tantrums at the mall last week (the day we went to Bienstar to start our court process). Basically, after 30 minutes of hitting, kicking, pinching, biting, oh yeah, and screaming, he decided to spit on daddy when I was in the bathroom with the girls. So Adam took his shirt off to wipe the spit away. Then he refused to put his shirt back on. We said, “that’s it,” and marched him out of the mall over Adam’s shoulders shirtless!!! I LOVE IT. Of course, everyone was staring at us, which I didn’t mind. But when we got outside he continued to refuse. So grandma and I took the other three kids to buy some new coloring books. Juan P. still screamed and screamed and screamed for another 1/2 hour–but he was not going to win. Adam finally took him behind the mall so people at the entrance wouldn’t be bothered. Well, when we got back to daddy there was a crowd gathered around including THREE security officers. Apparently, the security guard actually asked Juan if he knew who “this man” was and if he wanted the police to come and get him. Luckily Juan P. said, “no.” That’s reassuring. After the other kids saw what was going on they started yelling at Juan P. for not listening to mommy and daddy and for being such a baby. At that point the security guard ‘got it.’ Anyway, we’re glad we had the custody papers in tow from our morning appointment. He didn’t take a report, but he was about to. It’s a good thing I showed up with three other brown babies when I did. Can you imagine?

We used our “Go Fish” and “Old Maid” cards to play a matching game. The two younger ones were entertained for a couple of hours with it.

We’re very grateful for the king-sized bed….morning cartoons and movies are always a hit.

Juan P. earned his park privileges back the other day, but as you can see, the kite is as big as he is (we laughed for hours about it)

La Fuentes…who knew that fountains outside of a bank would cause such a stir. Juan P. was literally scared until Adam and I started walking around the edges. And the funny thing is that it was Daniel’s idea–and he was the only one that didn’t get to go. I suppose mouthing off to his mother won’t get him very far in this family! :)

Abuelito Arrives!!! We promised the kids that we would take them back to Jeno’s Pizza when grandpa got here—so where do you think they reminded us we needed to go to dinner the first night? No matter the language, kids never forget. :) Jeno’s is like Chucky Cheese except that the slides and games are free…and for those coming to Bogota it is cheaper than Archie’s (although Archie’s has the benefit of letting the kids make their own pizzas) Anyway, we could spend, and have spent, three hours there because there is so much to do. Plus, it’s practically next door to our complex. We’ll have to again when the “aunties” come.

We love you all and are doing great. This is just the first two minutes - we’ll post more when we have a better connection.

Sunday we spent at church. It was a pretty relaxed day. Oh, we did look at one other apartment too, but I think it is too small for the eight of us. Everyone at church was so very nice. Daniel Trujillo, our new friend and translator, came over to the hotel and rode in the taxi with us so we could find our way a bit easier. Daniel is fabulous. His English is amazing. He learned English in school and then lived in Los Angeles for two years (serving a mission). He is currently studying political science, which works out perfectly for us because his time is flexible. I’ll post a picture of him later this week.

My thoughts on Sunday were turned toward our CRAN meeting on Monday. I couldn’t stop thinking about the kids all day. Being here almost a week before receiving the children was so smart, in my opinion. We are comfortable with the currency and with the transportation system. We know our way around the area of town we will be staying. We know how to get to church, and what we should pay for a taxi. And let’s be honest, it has been nice to do a few things without the children  in tow–not that I want to go on without them.

A couple of pics on our walk home from church:

I will probably be in big fat trouble for posting while I am in a bad mood! (Sorry, honey)

We put in our frequent flier request last night for our flight to Bogota. We found out today that our request was not granted, nor will it be. It is complicated and unfair, but there is nothing we can do about it. Regardless of this shocking and daunting news, we want to give a HUGE thanks to Adam’s friends at work who were willing to donate their miles for our family.

So flights now add an automatic $6000 to our already tapped out adoption account. Why $6000? Because we aren’t bringing home an infant. We have to buy six round trip adult fare tickets (Yeah, I know, the kids are only going one way. My fellow travel snobs know that it is almost always cheaper to buy round-trip internationally, even if you don’t need it.) It is $200/child cheaper to buy a round trip ticket than a one-way. They don’t put that in the adoption addendum. I’M JUST SAYING….

Okay, the day gets worse! We gathered for our last conference call with our caseworker, Raul, before traveling. Most of the hour-long conversation was positive and full of helpful information. I know that Raul loves the children of Colombia, and he tries his best to help things run smoothly. We are very grateful for that. What is the problem then, you ask? Well, remaining financial obligations are always a standard part of this conversation. This is what we learned:

1. We are financially responsible for transportation to/from all adoption related meetings and events. What? Are you kidding me? And again, I know that Raul is just the messenger. But please, I think that for $11,000 transportation should be included just as a translator is.

2. We now have a $1500 cash obligation for attorney fees to CRAN. This is the very first I have heard of this. Apparently, there was a $900 obligation all along that was itemized in our contract. But it just says “estimated attorney fees.” Okay, no one ever mentioned what that was or when it would be paid. But now the price has gone up, in the last two weeks, to $1500. What???

3. Oh yeah, and there is a $200 “document processing fee.” What I gathered from our phone conference is that that fee is for copies that are made of all the paperwork. $200 isn’t the end of the world, but we were just told today that we had to times that by 4…because it is per child. Just so we’re clear–I have to pay $800 to have copies made of my children’s adoption paperwork!!! Shouldn’t that also be included as part of our in-country fees that we paid?

Do you think I could offer to pack my printer and bring my own paper? Perhaps I should suggest it.

————————————————————————————

I think those are the main shockers for the day. At least I hope so. Poor Adam! He caught me crying on the phone with Raul, on the phone with TACA airlines, on the phone with him, and at lunch. There wasn’t even any good reason. I know the money will work itself out somehow–maybe that money tree we planted will miraculously start producing by Wednesday. Or perhaps some long lost rich uncle will call with a gift on the other end. Maybe we overpaid our taxes one year, and we’ll shortly find out. :) In all seriousness though, I’ve been meaning to post our adoption expenses. A few people have asked what it entails…I’ll work on that so that those of you considering adoption, or are in the early stages, can catch a “real” glimpse of how much it costs. In our experience, it is decidedly more expensive than the spreadsheet that was provided to us in the beginning.

Okay, so the money part sucks! But what makes me sad and weepy is the abrupt fashion in which I have found all this out. It is the idea that even with how close we are to hugging our children–I am still not in control. After all of the money we have paid, paperwork we have filled out, and time we have spent being lectured on how to parent, I still feel like a little girl being told what to do.

Adoption is not the same as pregnancy….not by a long shot. Adoption is not covered by insurance. It is not accepted as a norm. It costs tens of thousands of dollars. It requires rigor, conviction, and motivation to keep the ball rolling. And it isn’t something that can physically and spontaneously occur. We methodically and carefully chose to welcome adoption into our lives.  

Please, please, please beloved friends and family, please separate these two cherished events for us. Comparing and contrasting the two makes me feel very sad, and sometimes angry. I do not know if I can put why into words right now. It probably wouldn’t make any sense. I can tell you that thoughts of pregnancy bring back emotionally charged and helpless feelings. Our children need me to be focused on their joy, not the sadness of failed pregnancies. For now, we ask that when we are in Colombia, and when we come home, that this adoption is celebrated as an adoption–with all its 10,000 special and distinct attributes.

Adam and I are completely humbled by the many acts of service–big and small–performed on our behalf. Our children are so lucky–and not because of us, but because of YOU! They have no idea how much goodness and love is about to envelope them.

Okay, Now that I’m crying again I think it is time to sign off. :) I know, I know…tomorrow is always better than today. Maybe I’ll go to bed early then.

This is a one minute clip from our 2nd conference with the kids. The sound is horrible, but you can see them. After the first few seconds, they are singing a traditional schoolchildren’s song. They’re having a great time! We have a great time watching it over and over! We have one more video call on Monday of next week and then off we go! Watch and enjoy.

Our children are real! What an amazing feeling. And, by the way, they are totally 5, 6, 7, and 8. They are normal, regular, high-energy, excitable KIDS. I know everyone is dying for the details. I’ll do my best…

The conference started an hour late due to technical difficulties. Finally, they brought the kids in and sat them down at the conference table. The adoption facilitator warned us that the children were very excited…and he was right. Not only were they excited to see us, but they were baffled by the technology. They couldn’t believe we were speaking and seeing each other through the screen. That was really cool. Of course, it resulted in the children trying to steal the microphone from each other so they could be the one to talk to us. Totally Cute!

And, there really wasn’t any ackwardness. The kids came in waving and trying to talk to us. Our hats are off to Colombia’s adoption preparation…the kids seem adjusted and prepared–as much as they can be anyway. Each child started by telling us their name (like we don’t know who they are, right?) and showing us a drawing. Daniel went first. When he held up his drawing I totally lost it. I’m his!!! His drawing had Adam and I on each side with four children drawn inbetween. Above the drawing he had written “I love you mother and father.” I’m pretty sure I cried the rest of the conference.

Juan Pablo’s drawing was of a house and happy sun and clouds with “I love you mother.” Maria Daniela drew a giant heart. I’m not sure where Esmeralda’s drawing was. Of course, she was on the end and kept getting pushed out of the conversation. It was so cute because she tried reaching over the other children for the microphone so she could have her moment.

We talked about their favorite colors, and soccer, and pets! Daniel told papi that he is doing well in school now, and gave him a thumbs up! Juan Pablo is a little stinker. He’s so little and full of energy. He totally picks on his sisters even though he’s smaller than they are. It was quite endearing to watch him in action. Maria Daniela wasn’t shy like we thought she might be. She was right in there with the rest of the kids–raising her hand and getting excited when we asked her questions. Esmeralda is as adorable as the picture. You can tell she’s the mother of the bunch. She hangs back, but doesn’t let the others push her around.

I posted all the pictures! The pics that look like a white screen are the children’s drawings. They are each different though. I think if you zoom in, you’ll be able to see them better. Adam is working on purchasing a program that will allow us to record Monday’s session. That’s right–we get to see them again on Monday. If you have a question you want answered, send it to me and I’ll do my best.

 Thanks everyone for the support yesterday–it meant so much!

Well, Adam and I are about to talk to our kids for the first time. Yep, in two short hours. I wish I could say I am a ball of emotions or completely beside myself. In all honesty, I feel nothing. I know I still hold on to thoughts of self-preservation that have guarded me through the past four years. I know I need to let go and feel. But it is difficult. I am still quite sure that at any moment our adoption will fall out from under us. And that is what keeps me protecting my heart.

I do cry sometimes when I walk into their bedrooms or think about the pain that has been a part of their lives. I have cried over the overwhelming generosity and support of friends and family. But I do not think I have cried for joy yet–you know that tender feeling that comes with the thought “I am finally a mother.” I think that will happen when I am in Colombia, but probably not until the judge has signed the papers. Or maybe it will happen once we have boarded the plane for Las Vegas. I’m not sure when, but I know it will happen–someday!

At the behest of a sweet friend, we will set up cameras to capture the moment this afternoon. Perhaps, you will even be able to catch a glimpse of their faces–not really sure how it will work. We will update as much as we can on the situation this evening.

For those wondering if we are on our way to Colombia–we are not….yet! The official referral that was promised has still not arrived. We are not concerned whether or not we will go–it is more a question of when. Hopefully, we will be there within the month. Regardless, we continue to prepare. I bought Juan Pablo some monkey pajamas, which are completely adorable. As soon as “the letter” is in hand and a flight is arranged we will let everyone know. For now, we are hanging out with family and friends in Las Vegas as we await our travel plans!

Am I frustrated? Of course.

Am I sad? A little.

Am I afraid? Not at all!

I’m mostly just WAITING…

I have been thinking about you a lot this week. I hope your broken arm is mending nicely. I can’t wait to hear the story of how you broke it. And I am very sorry that I was not there to kiss it better and hold your hand at the hospital. Mamis are not supposed to miss those events. I’m sure the doctor took good care of you though. By the way, aren’t little boys supposed to be the ones breaking limbs at your age? I guess that shows how tough you are! :) That’s my kind of girl.

Also, Senor Raul says that you love school and that you are an excellent student. I hope you are still minding your teachers and taking advantage of their knowledge. Maybe you can read me a story when I get to Bogota. Papi and I love learning and exploring. I wonder what your favorite subjects are. I secretly hope they are reading and history–those are my favorites. But if they are science and math, Papi will be very proud.

I can’t wait to be your teacher. I can’t wait to explore the earth, in all its magnificence, with you. I can’t wait to read Chronicles of Narnia and The Secret Garden to you. I can’t wait to watch you excel in learning new languages. There is so much to be done and so much to enjoy. Our time together is coming quickly.

Oh yeah, I went shopping today with Tia Jaimee. We went to Old Navy and bought you and your sister two new outfits and two new dresses. The only thing that would have made it more fun is if you and Daniela were with us. I hope you like what we picked out. More than that–I hope the outfits fit.

Ezzy–you are loved. Maybe when you gaze at the twinkling stars or when you feel a soft raindrop kiss your cheek, you feel it somehow. I hope that when you look at our picture you see it. I know how difficult it is to trust someone completely. Why should you believe that these two strangers from the USA are really coming for you? Why should you trust that what everyone is telling you is true? You have been lied to and hurt by adults. I do not blame you one bit if you do not love me, yet, because it is too painful. I am really scared too. Until this week, I was deathly afraid that someone was going to call and say, “just kidding, the Rodriguez children are no longer yours.” But now, I know for sure that I am coming to pick you up. And nothing will stand in my way of loving you. I have never met you, Esmeralda, but I love you as my own–completely. I know that someday very soon you will be able to wink back at the stars and smile at the rain.

I promised a happy post–so here it is!

I started packing yesterday. Aunt Jaimee brought home new beach towels from Wal-mart the other day, which got me rather excited to go through the clothing items I have. Adam and I purchased swimsuits at Target last week so I figured that I could at least pack all the swimwear. We plan to spend lots of time in the pool while we are in Bogota. We also plan on taking a side trip to the coast, which is supposedly spectacular. Now all I need to purchase are kid goggles, flip-flops, and sunglasses. I even have sunscreen already packed in their backpacks.

For those who haven’t heard, we received word yesterday of a tentative travel date. We are planning to arrive in Bogota on June 8!!! The amazing thing about this date–get ready for goosebumps–is that it is the exact date we have been praying for. Adam finishes his ‘May’ class on June 6. His ‘June’ class finishes on June 6 & 7. So we are free to leave Utah on the afternoon of the seventh. The kids are being prepped 2-3 times/week. They are excited and anxious for us to arrive. We will get updated pictures along with current heights and weights next Tuesday or Wednesday. Oh man, I can barely contain myself.

And more good news: Adam’s boss, Jim, called today with word that he was able to get Adam’s full-time status at work approved to begin on June 9. This means one or two full paychecks that we were not expecting while in Colombia. This is a huge blessing since there are many expenses awaiting us when we arrive!!!

One more word of gratitude: Jim and Nicole (his wife) have been two of our biggest supporters through this process. We adore their family and we are so excited that we will now have kids that Lily and Emilie (I just know I mixed up their spellings) can play with when we go to dinner. Yay–I’m so excited for that! Jim never gets off the phone without asking about the adoption. Nicole and the girls went through their room and gave us a huge box of amazing children books. And, both Jim and Nicole came to our shower amidst multiple gymnastics obligations. They have never said we’re crazy–at least to our faces. :) They have never tried to dissuade our decision. They have been nothing but supportive. Thank you, Moore Family, for your generosity, kindness, and love. We appreciate you!