Well, Adam and I are about to talk to our kids for the first time. Yep, in two short hours. I wish I could say I am a ball of emotions or completely beside myself. In all honesty, I feel nothing. I know I still hold on to thoughts of self-preservation that have guarded me through the past four years. I know I need to let go and feel. But it is difficult. I am still quite sure that at any moment our adoption will fall out from under us. And that is what keeps me protecting my heart.
I do cry sometimes when I walk into their bedrooms or think about the pain that has been a part of their lives. I have cried over the overwhelming generosity and support of friends and family. But I do not think I have cried for joy yet–you know that tender feeling that comes with the thought “I am finally a mother.” I think that will happen when I am in Colombia, but probably not until the judge has signed the papers. Or maybe it will happen once we have boarded the plane for Las Vegas. I’m not sure when, but I know it will happen–someday!
At the behest of a sweet friend, we will set up cameras to capture the moment this afternoon. Perhaps, you will even be able to catch a glimpse of their faces–not really sure how it will work. We will update as much as we can on the situation this evening.
For those wondering if we are on our way to Colombia–we are not….yet! The official referral that was promised has still not arrived. We are not concerned whether or not we will go–it is more a question of when. Hopefully, we will be there within the month. Regardless, we continue to prepare. I bought Juan Pablo some monkey pajamas, which are completely adorable. As soon as “the letter” is in hand and a flight is arranged we will let everyone know. For now, we are hanging out with family and friends in Las Vegas as we await our travel plans!
I have been thinking about you a lot this week. I hope your broken arm is mending nicely. I can’t wait to hear the story of how you broke it. And I am very sorry that I was not there to kiss it better and hold your hand at the hospital. Mamis are not supposed to miss those events. I’m sure the doctor took good care of you though. By the way, aren’t little boys supposed to be the ones breaking limbs at your age? I guess that shows how tough you are! :) That’s my kind of girl.
Also, Senor Raul says that you love school and that you are an excellent student. I hope you are still minding your teachers and taking advantage of their knowledge. Maybe you can read me a story when I get to Bogota. Papi and I love learning and exploring. I wonder what your favorite subjects are. I secretly hope they are reading and history–those are my favorites. But if they are science and math, Papi will be very proud.
I can’t wait to be your teacher. I can’t wait to explore the earth, in all its magnificence, with you. I can’t wait to read Chronicles of Narnia and The Secret Garden to you. I can’t wait to watch you excel in learning new languages. There is so much to be done and so much to enjoy. Our time together is coming quickly.
Oh yeah, I went shopping today with Tia Jaimee. We went to Old Navy and bought you and your sister two new outfits and two new dresses. The only thing that would have made it more fun is if you and Daniela were with us. I hope you like what we picked out. More than that–I hope the outfits fit.
Ezzy–you are loved. Maybe when you gaze at the twinkling stars or when you feel a soft raindrop kiss your cheek, you feel it somehow. I hope that when you look at our picture you see it. I know how difficult it is to trust someone completely. Why should you believe that these two strangers from the USA are really coming for you? Why should you trust that what everyone is telling you is true? You have been lied to and hurt by adults. I do not blame you one bit if you do not love me, yet, because it is too painful. I am really scared too. Until this week, I was deathly afraid that someone was going to call and say, “just kidding, the Rodriguez children are no longer yours.” But now, I know for sure that I am coming to pick you up. And nothing will stand in my way of loving you. I have never met you, Esmeralda, but I love you as my own–completely. I know that someday very soon you will be able to wink back at the stars and smile at the rain.
I started packing yesterday. Aunt Jaimee brought home new beach towels from Wal-mart the other day, which got me rather excited to go through the clothing items I have. Adam and I purchased swimsuits at Target last week so I figured that I could at least pack all the swimwear. We plan to spend lots of time in the pool while we are in Bogota. We also plan on taking a side trip to the coast, which is supposedly spectacular. Now all I need to purchase are kid goggles, flip-flops, and sunglasses. I even have sunscreen already packed in their backpacks.
For those who haven’t heard, we received word yesterday of a tentative travel date. We are planning to arrive in Bogota on June 8!!! The amazing thing about this date–get ready for goosebumps–is that it is the exact date we have been praying for. Adam finishes his ‘May’ class on June 6. His ‘June’ class finishes on June 6 & 7. So we are free to leave Utah on the afternoon of the seventh. The kids are being prepped 2-3 times/week. They are excited and anxious for us to arrive. We will get updated pictures along with current heights and weights next Tuesday or Wednesday. Oh man, I can barely contain myself.
And more good news: Adam’s boss, Jim, called today with word that he was able to get Adam’s full-time status at work approved to begin on June 9. This means one or two full paychecks that we were not expecting while in Colombia. This is a huge blessing since there are many expenses awaiting us when we arrive!!!
One more word of gratitude: Jim and Nicole (his wife) have been two of our biggest supporters through this process. We adore their family and we are so excited that we will now have kids that Lily and Emilie (I just know I mixed up their spellings) can play with when we go to dinner. Yay–I’m so excited for that! Jim never gets off the phone without asking about the adoption. Nicole and the girls went through their room and gave us a huge box of amazing children books. And, both Jim and Nicole came to our shower amidst multiple gymnastics obligations. They have never said we’re crazy–at least to our faces. :) They have never tried to dissuade our decision. They have been nothing but supportive. Thank you, Moore Family, for your generosity, kindness, and love. We appreciate you!
Papi and I just got off the phone with Senor Raul. He is one of the people at Commonwealth Adoptions that is helping us bring you home. Raul says that you and your siblings are very excited to be adopted. He also says that you, in particular, are very anxious and nervous about all the unknowns, especially about traveling so far away from everything familiar. I hear that you have taken on the role of protector, which is to be expected. What a valiant and brave little boy you are.
Life sure isn’t fair, is it? It’s not fair that your birth-parents made poor choices that affected you. It’s not fair that you have been charged with caring for and parenting Esmeralda, Daniela, and Juan Pablo. It’s not fair that you, at seven years old, feel the weight of the world upon your little shoulders. For these reasons I think you are extra special. When I look at your picture I see goodness and warmth in your eyes. I see hope and kindness. You are the very best big brother. I can’t wait to meet you.
As I sit in sadness thinking about the rough start you’ve had, I also sit in hope. My hope for you is that ONE short month from now you can start on the road back to boyhood. I can’t wait for you to care about soccer balls, dirt, and pizza–and nothing else! I know we’ll encounter meltdowns along the way. I can’t wait to love you through them as you slowly relinquish your role of parent and return back to that of big brother. I especially can’t wait for you to meet Papi. He is so cool. He is itching to get on the plane so he can play, play, and play some more. You are so lucky that he will soon enter your life.
And, by the way, I can’t wait to be a soccer mom. I never thought I would hear myself say such a thing, but your smile makes me ready. Of course, you might have to remind me one day that I said that. :) I want you to be my son, Daniel. I have no doubt that I was led to you. I sure wish that your life was perfect from birth, even if that meant that I didn’t get to be your mother because your overall health and happiness is paramount to me. Unfortunately, that is not what occurred. Poor choices were made and sadness happened. Luckily, we will both eventually benefit from it.
Anyway we square it, life isn’t fair! And on a day like today, I am grateful!
That would be our I-171 approval in the picture. Just a simple sheet of paper that says we are “able to furnish proper care to an orphan or orphans as defined by Section 101 (b)(1)(F) of the Immigration and Nationality Act.” Our form has been forwarded to the American embassy in Bogota.
So our caseworker emailed this last missing piece to the ICBF review board. We should have the travel invitation and official referral from Colombia tomorrow, hopefully. Wouldn’t it be great to actually receive it by the weekend. That is what we’re hoping for.
What’s next then, you ask? All we have left to do is book our plane tickets and get our travel visas from the Colombian consulate in San Francisco. This could require an in-person request–meaning day trip to SFO. Hopefully not, though. It just depends on the day and the person behind the desk. :)
What a cool place our kids are from!
Thanks to Jim and Jaime’s blog for a link to this video. They are in Colombia right now, adopting 3 little ones. Lots of great stories and pictures on their blog.
