I saved this post for far too long. Now I have an appropriate place to post it. :)

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To no one in particular,

I am quite sure that your slight remarks, quick roll of the eyes, and obtuse views of my parenting are due to the fact that you are completely incompetent at parenting yourself. If you think I am too structured, too strict, too hands-on, that is fine. I know it is completely counter-intuitive for you who takes no responsibility. If you have a problem with my expectations for my children, please feel free to talk to me in private.

Heaven knows, you would not want me to talk about your parenting in front of everyone…like how your children are starved for structure and attention because you cannot seem to get off of My Space, Facebook, U-Tube, whatever! Or how your children are complete terrorist having no consistent consequences EVER for their behavior. 

Contrary to your view of the world, children do not need another friend–they need a parent. They need structure. They need engagement. They need a mother who models strong moral character and sacrifice. They need a teacher. But hey, who I am to know anything? I mean, I have only “been a mom” for five months (so now it’s been nine :). I never thought I would use this line because I have hated it for years. But you have no clue! And just as I have no idea what it is like to dodge responsibilty my entire life, while having multiple children in the interim, you have absolutely no idea! 

If you think you can do a better job at raising four adopted children, I invite you to spend a week in my home, solo. You’ll need to be engaged 24 hours a day. You’ll need to actually do housework and laundry, keep the family budget buzzing, and cook dinner every night. You’ll need to practice letters, sounds, and words with all of the children every day after homework time. You will need to juggle four children chirping in your ear after school that they need your help with this or that or the other. You will need to go to the park and watch the kids ride their bikes outside–yes, you will actually have to play with them.

You will need to deal with Juan P’s tantrums firmly. You will have to actually say “no!” You will need to be off of the computer most of the day. You will need to spend your free time giving attention to each child–reassuring each of them every single day that they are loved and wanted. You will need to run interference every few minutes. You will need to get used to not having TV. Aside from normal kid stuff, you will need to monitor and correct food issues, intimacy issues, bonding and attachment issues, language barrier issues, etc… And you will need to put extra time into a thriving loving marriage so that it stays as strong as possible.

Good Luck!!!!

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Okay, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

I would say that lying and whining have been the biggest hurdles we have come across the past month or two–across the board, with all four children. As the kids emerged into a new phase with us–I would say around Thanksgiving–instead of having major meltdowns and screaming tantrums, we started having more incidences of whining, pouting, and lying when they didn’t get their way.

On the one hand, it is a happy problem to have. It means that their guards are down, that they feel comfortable, and that they don’t think we are going to send them back if they act up. We get lots of kisses and loves now. And their is rare a tantrum that warrants a spanking or grounding these days. Yay, we are doing our job!!!

On the other hand, it is completely annoying. I mean we are talking really really babyish type behaviors like coloring on the carpet with a crayon, writing on the walls, spreading a tube of toothpaste on the bed. Stuff like that. Those who know me know that behavior like that is not going to get very far for very long in this house. :)

Here is one of Juan P’s consequences for lying about who did what:

Okay, our backyard doesn’t normally look like that, people!!! There really was a windstorm the day before, and we thought what better way to get it picked up than as a consequence. (haha–I love having kids around the house)

The video is just one small, cute example of something Adam and I firmly believe, which is that just because our kids are adopted doesn’t mean we should treat them differently. I know what the books and “experts” say. And there are a couple of areas in which I agree that we must be mindful and sensitive of our words and actions.

But for the most part, an unacceptable behavior must have a firm consequence attached. I refuse to let our children destroy property, whether it is ours or someone else’s. I refuse to let them scream obscenities at me just because they didn’t have a perfect start in life. I refuse to cater and collapse to their every whim just because I feel badly about their previous lot in life. It is not fair or loving to be anything less than firm and disciplined. Choices have consequences, and it our job to teach our children the ramifications that follow both good and bad choices.

As I just wrote to a couple of friends this morning, the past five months have taught me one overarching lesson, which is: the power that sits in unconditional love coupled with firm discipline, is unmatched. I have always believe in this truth, but now that I see it in action, my testimony of it is strenghthened and increased. There is no greater way to lead and to teach.