There are oh so many changes I envision. I daydream about them all the time. Going from no children to four children is mind-boggling to say the least. Here are the questions I most frequently think about:

1. How will I grocery shop?

2. What kind of “large” vehicle will work best?

3. Do I home school, private school, or public school them—which would be better for language acquisition, self-esteem, and overall adjustment?
4. What if they don’t attach to one or both of us?

5. How will I adjust to staying home all day…making lunches, helping with homework, playing chauffer, etc?

6. What if I’m not good enough?

7. How do I develop my children spiritually?

8. Will my husband love me the same?

�Let’s be honest, this is not going to be easy. But I live by one mantra—one that I impose upon my students every year… “For everything of value, there is always a price to pay.” If it was hard, it wouldn’t be worth it. I look forward to all the worries on the list. I mostly look forward to having the worries, I know that sounds odd, but anyone who wants desperately to be a parent understands it. I also look forward to problem-solving the worries with my husband.�

I do think about how our lives as a couple will change because we know it will. But I don’t think that has to mean we’ll have less time for each other. We just have to work on a schedule that benefits our entire family. The greatest asset Adam and I bring to this adoption is our strength and flexibility as a couple. Even in our darkest hours of fertility, we could laugh through the tears and figure out what to do next. I’ve never once felt paralyzed by our heart-wrenching challenges. That’s how I know For Sure that this is going to work out…and be wonderful.

���� This is a loaded question, if ever there was one. Below are the two main reasons we want to adopt:�The first reason I want to adopt, internationally specifically, is because of the desire Adam and I have to fill our lives and our home with children and culture. One of the things we treasure most about one another is the way in which each of us sees the world…the life experiences we each have had while abroad. We discussed adoption extensively before marriage—before it being a necessary means to grow our family— and we both had a desire to do so. We each have significant ties to the international community, both in Asia and in Africa. We want to fill our home with both children and culture—this is the best of both worlds for us.�
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The second reason I want to adopt, is because it feels right. Although adoption was on the table from the beginning of our marriage, we thought it would be in addition to, not instead of, having biological children. I have been utterly unsuccessful at carrying a fetus past eight weeks, and I have had many miscarriages the past few years. I started to feel as though my entire life was wrapped up in fertility treatments, doctor’s visits, and all the emotions that go with the experience. In January 2006 it was decision time for us…I couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore. We saw our options as these:

1. Keep on the “fertility train”� being poked, prodded, and paraded.
2. Remain childless and revel in the brilliance of being Aunt Rach and�Uncle Adam.
3. Go for adoption. �

���� At that point, one fantastic thought came clearly into view…I want to be a parent more than I want to give birth. It’s taken me three years to come to that conclusion…and this past year, I have felt the idea firmly take root in my heart and in my mind. I just want to be a mom. I am not above IVF or Clomid or just being an aunt, but would rather have the blissful chaos that being an instant mom of four will bring. The challenges of parenting will be just as trying as the heartache and heartbreak of failed pregnancies and failed attempts at becoming so…but the difference is that I will be a parent. That’s all I want.�

���� For us infertility has not been “a stealer of dreams” but an opportunity to look beyond ourselves and find something beautiful and real—our new family!!!