This is the very first image I have impressed on my mind of you, little boy. Isn’t your grandma beautiful? The first thing you wanted to do on “gotcha day” was wear her sunglasses and be held by anyone who would hold you. You are five years old, but you surely don’t act like it. We are five months into our family and you are still the one most in need of attention…the one most in need of structure…the one most in need of rocking and touching and a firm hand. You very well may be the closest thing to a baby that I ever get to mother. If you are to be the youngest of our little band–you definitely fit the profile.

I am not sure what things were done to you as a baby. I am not sure where all of the many scars you have came from. And that breaks my heart. Sometimes, I will sit and trace over your skin and just wonder!!! I know that you were taken from your birth-mother when you were three days old. I know that unlike the other children you have no memories other than those from Club Michin. I know that you have never been parented for any amount of time, outside of the orphanage. I know that you built a little make believe world for yourself in the orphanage. You lived inside of that world to protect yourself, and to hope for the future. Your psychologist said that when you found out about Adam and me, you were so excited to have a daddy come and rescue you from the “castle.” No wonder you are absolutely obsessed with the doll houses and fairytale items we have.

Juan Pablo, my love grows for you every day. You are one of the sweetest, cutest, most loving children I have ever known. You want to act like a big boy. You want to help me and follow me–even to the bathroom (yes, that is where I draw the line). Just recently, you have started to write your alphabet letters without me asking you to. You have almost all of your sounds down. Now you are working on writing–and I must say that your writing is very good. You are anxious to start school next year. But for now, you are super content hanging out with me while everyone else is at school. In fact, you get a little jealous if any of the other kids are home. It is really funny!

In the spirit of full disclosure, I must be honest with you. I promised to always be honest through this experience. There were many days during our time in Bogota that I wanted to hide myself away and never come out because of your behavior. There were many times when I felt like it would never get better. There are still days now that I call your daddy to cry on his shoulder at work because I feel so badly for the anger you feel toward your former situation. He has even had to come home early two or three times since we came home from Colombia. I am glad that we have started to see Miss Amy (your psychologist). She is wonderful. Hopefully, she will help us help you to work out your anger. I am anxious to have you see her more regularly. You love her–she gives you candy and she speaks Spanish. :)

When we first received you, your tantrums were every day–sometimes twice a day. They eventually slowed to every other day or so. Now, although there is no stopping the the rage when it starts, we are going 10 days to two weeks between episodes. That is an amazing improvement in just a few months. The most positive part to your improved behavior is that we can talk you down more often. We are working on the difference between how babies act and how big boys act. That has really helped. So has tightening up your structure. The other kids do not need it as much as you–but it benefits all of you, for sure.

I love you, little boy. Your dad and I still feel it a privilege to parent you and your siblings. We know that our family is blessed because of our decision to bring you home. And there has never ever been a moment that I wanted to send you back. I think your future is bright. We have a lot of work to do–but it will pay off in the end. You are, and always will be, completely worth it. Your smile lights up our home. Your cuteness lights up our day. Your spirit lights up our lives.

Alright, already. :) Yes, we are still here. And yes, it is killing me that I have not been able to blog the past two weeks. There is so much to say, and so much to show. Adam’s laptop is now fixed, and he was finally able to load pictures to our server a couple of days ago. So totally annoying.

I think we have kicked the lice–dare I say it. There are no longer mounds of laundry. In fact, I think there is currently no dirty laundry, including bedding. Small Miracles. The girls are so great about letting me pick through their hair. According to them, every Saturday was lice day at the orphanage. Monica would comb through each nina’s hair. We think it was more of a maintenance program though. I spent three hours in Ezzy’s head two nights ago. And that was after a week of shampooing, baby oiling, and nit-picking. She had dead nits that had completing grown out with her hair. But now, her neck isn’t as dry and itchy. Her hair is healthy and shiny. And I only found 10 nits yesterday morning. Nicole’s head was completely nit-free.

The girls are still not allowed to sit on the couches (the floor is so much easier to vacuum.) And all four of the children have their own pillow and blanket down in the family room. They each have a spot on the floor, and they are completely awesome at keeping track of each other. None of them want to deal with lice anymore. The boys would much rather keep their heads shaved than deal with the disgusting little creatures.

I sacked up all of the play clothes, stuffed animals, and hair bands. The kids know why they are gone, and they have been great about the whole thing. We are giving it another week before we let them sit on the furniture. It’s probably overkill, but the laundry, vacuuming, and shampooing about killed me! :)

————————————————-

Enough about lice. Each child is adjusting nicely. Adam and I are also adjusting. In fact, this past week has been cake in terms of behavior. We have the usual kid issues around here like whining about who’s turn it is and pouting over being told “no.” But the marathon tantrum and testing has calmed to a minimum. Well, at least with three of the four.

Wompy is having an extremely hard time taming his belligerence. We know he is finding his place in the family, and getting used to parents who tell him what to do, and when to do it. He spent all day yesterday, and all day Sunday, in his room. Last night he said that he would rather be back at the orphanage. And yet, he inched closer and closer to daddy when he was allowed out of his room to watch his sibling play Mario Kart. He started stroking Adam’s arm and laid on him. This confirms to Adam and I that he is testing testing testing. He had 25 three and four year olds to play with at Michin, and only one adult to watch over him. He had free reign.

The problem is that he is sooooo good most of the time. He never does anything intentionally destructive. The marathon tantrums only come when one of us has told him not to do something, and he decides to test and defy us. Most of the time, he is so cute we can hardly stand it. Tia Jaime Lynne told him to try and do one cute thing a day…”Wompy, now I want you to try and be cute. I know it will be very hard for you, but just try. Try to do one cute thing each day.” And she asks him every time she sees him if he’s done his cute thing for the day. It’s really “cute!” And he always cleans his messes up and pitches in when asked.

We have some leads on a couple of Spanish speaking couselors. That is our first priority next week. Adam and I both feel that we are doing everything we possibly can, but the little one needs some extra help. And to Wompy’s credit, he is heads and tails above where he was when we picked him up. He listens to us 90% of the time. He has stopped constantly touching things he shouldn’t. He doesn’t talk like a baby anymore. And he tries really hard to act like a five year old. We are making tremendous strides with him, but we also recognize that we need some extra help.

We are off for a campout tonight. I have some interesting adoption/fertility things to share in the coming days. Plus, I have many many pictures and video to share. I promise it is coming. Please check back in a couple of days. I may just surprise you.

By the way…I am loving every minute of my time home with the kids.

We love you all and are doing great. This is just the first two minutes - we’ll post more when we have a better connection.

This is a one minute clip from our 2nd conference with the kids. The sound is horrible, but you can see them. After the first few seconds, they are singing a traditional schoolchildren’s song. They’re having a great time! We have a great time watching it over and over! We have one more video call on Monday of next week and then off we go! Watch and enjoy.

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY JUAN PABLO!!!!

Well little monkey, your name is the most ‘Latino’ sounding of the bunch, isn’t it? And let me tell you, we always here about it. I think all of your future family and friends have made mention of how crazy beautiful Juan Pablo McCracken sounds. And I must admit, it is pretty funny! It is not everyday you here such a strong Latino name in conjunction with a very apparent Irish name. Papi and I love it, and we think whether you want to change it, shorten it, or keep it the same it will fit you perfectly.

You are the youngest, baby boy, which means I am sure you are spoiled by your siblings. Oh, to be the baby! When I envision spending time with you I see us running crazy on the soccer field and never being able to keep up. I have a feeling you will be the one keeping our house hopping ALL THE TIME!

You are the one that Papi and I know the least about on paper. Of course, at four (now five) years old you have been at the orphanage for over half of your young life. I was thinking the other night that you most likely have very few memories of life with your birth-parents. Most likely your are just busy being four. I hope that is the case. I pray that you have bonded with your brother and sisters and/or your caregivers. That will make the bonding process between us much easier.

Juan Pablo, your mischievous smile melts my heart! You are so handsome. I cannot wait to push your swing and dig in the sandbox with you. You are in for a major treat–Papi will read bedtime stories every night. We’ve already discussed it, and he wants that to be his job. And if there is one promise I can make about living with us it is that you will never go without a good night kiss again.